He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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