Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
