May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
