she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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