Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
