I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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