Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
