His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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