You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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