i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Alive.
So much puke
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
