perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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