I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
