When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
