If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize