it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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