Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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