U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
