you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
