Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize