I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
