If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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