drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
