Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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