So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
