also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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