Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
