Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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