OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
