You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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