I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
