I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
