I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
