Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
