in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
