Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize