Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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