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• (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

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• (416): View more from Ontario

  I wanna be on tlc

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.

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• (714): View more from California

  We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...

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• (435): View more from Utah

  And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great

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• (324): View more from

  Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.

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• (818): View more from California

  With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo

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• (805): View more from California

  Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA

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• (310): View more from California

  hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?

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