We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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