Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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