walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
