so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
