Tell her she can't have a vagina
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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