I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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