I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
