wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
