we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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