its not stalking. its research.
My balls are so social today.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
