You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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