I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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