guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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