I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
is it fun? or sober?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize