sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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