We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
