Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
