I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
