Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize