His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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