i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
