Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
pray to the hookup gods
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
