I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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