I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
