Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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