elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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