i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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