I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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