I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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