I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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