he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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