i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
