please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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