You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize