It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize