This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
