I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
