Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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