I puked a lego.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
